A French Destination Wedding
Ask just about anyone with a desire to one day get married, and they will most likely have some sort of an idea about what they want their wedding to be like, what they want to wear, or where they want it to occur. Granted these things might change between the age of eight and thirty-five, but the having of that “ideal” for your big day, is there.
Fast forward a few years, and congratulations, you finally met the right person and got engaged! Sadly, if you’re like me, those once firmly held wedding ideals, have flown the coop, and you suddenly have no idea about what you want for this long-anticipated occasion.
Location
Local, or Destination?
First thing’s first, you need a location that will then set the stage for the other choices you’ll need to make. Unfortunately, this will probably be the most difficult part of the whole process, and everyone and their dog will have opinions, so keep in mind that this is YOUR day.
Aside from the above, by the time it was my turn to tie the knot (at age 35), I had attended a lot of weddings, and while I had fun at most of them (I think), they had largely faded into a blur of bridesmaid dresses, and vanilla wedding cake.
For better or for worse, I found myself armed only with a decisive nature, and a desire to do something “else,” by having a wedding that would be unforgettable.
*Side Note: If you ask my husband about wedding planning, he’ll climb onto a soapbox about what he likes to call, “the wedding industrial complex,” which I knew existed, but didn’t understand before planning ours.
The Wedding Industry Complex
When costs for products or services become inflated due to intangible forces, unrelated to the actual cost to make or produce that item or service. Example: Cake is not expensive to make, you can even purchase a custom sheet cake at Costco for 30 people, for just $18. However, the second you ask a bakery to have cakes stacked on top of one another, it suddenly costs $800 for a product made from the same elements as the $18 Costco cake.
But back to destination hunting.
The Venue
Somewhat desperate to avoid the costly trappings of a traditional wedding, and the obligations that invariably invade that special day, we decided that the only solution was to get out of town. I don’t just mean the state, because the same issues and obligations, would still be there. And let's face it, no one enjoys taking a whole weekend to go out of town to some random city they don’t care about, for someone’s wedding, or redeeming those hard-earned air miles, to fly for this purpose.
So, the “go big or go home” strategy, was born.
Did Someone Say Europe?
Already avid travelers, my fiance and I got engaged while abroad, and have made traveling the world together, a significant element of our relationship. What could be more natural, than to have a wedding that reflects who we are as a couple, and have our wedding be an experience that we can share with everyone, by doing it in Europe?
France, one of the most romantic countries in the world, is also littered with large palatial homes, resulting from its grandiose history. Many of these mini palaces are located on vacation rental sites, like Airbnb, with VERY reasonable nightly rates. With that in mind, what could be better than a large, beautifully decorated home, where you can provide accommodations for friends or family for several days, and also have your wedding for less than the cost of a few hours rental time in a generic event space?
*Side Note: Different countries have different legal requirements for getting legally married within their borders, so be sure to research well in advance. Alternatively, you can always legally tie the knot prior or post the ceremony, which is what we did.
We settled on a home built in the 15th century, located a couple of hours south of Paris, in a small village in the Loire Valley. The house itself was large, having six bedrooms, four bathrooms, two living rooms, two kitchens, and ample space for seventeen overnight guests. Located next to a church, it had plenty of space for additional wedding guests to park on the day of the wedding, and it had a beautiful back yard that abutted a tributary of the Loire river, replete with rowboats, and fairy tale charm. Basically, the home was the idyllic setting for a romantic wedding weekend.
*Side Note: Be sure to check or contact the owner of the property you’re interested in, and explain your plans, as not all homes will allow events. That said, the owner of the house we rented, was THRILLED to have us and even gifted us with flowers and champagne.
Party Planning
Okay, so you’re probably thinking, “great, you got a good deal on the venue, but what about everything else, and how the H* do you arrange that stuff in France!?”
I’m not going to say, “easy,” but in hindsight, it kinda was.
It was really important for us to have our day be focused on what was important about the occasion, and not the package it came in. After all, a “wedding” is simply an exchange of promises between two people, and not flowers and chair rentals. We were determined to keep that in mind and create an environment, that was uncomplicated, allowing the significance of the event to take center stage.
At times, it felt like we might still slide into the trappings we were going all the way to France to avoid, but I just needed to keep reminding myself that the more details we allowed to creep into the planning process, the more that the day would become about those silly details, and not us.
“Fire the butter mints, and burn the custom napkins!”
So… It was time to take stock and get creative with what was already at our disposal.
The Guest List
A couple of fundamental elements to any party plan is A) The size of your party and B) How fancy of an outfit do you want to wear. Mostly though, it’s the number of people, and it’s truly amazing how much easier this part is, when you place a hurdle like an ocean, into the equation. Not in any way to suggest that we didn’t want to share our day with everyone that we care about, and that love us, but more like giving many of those people an easy “out,” in terms of the feelings of obligation to attend.
However, we opened our wedding arms wide and invited everyone that wanted to come to France, to come join us on the day.
The above abandonment of the usual guest list protocol had three intended and resulting consequences:
The burden of provision was greatly lifted, as compared to a wedding at home, where we would have had somewhere between 100 and 150+ guests, and the increased responsibility and costs for each of those guests.
A destination wedding like ours becomes about more than just “attending a wedding,” and becomes a vacation for your guests. Memories of your wedding will merge into those of their vacation, and in general, become a positive and memorable experience that they won't forget.
The elimination of all but the most close of friends and family, in addition to all of you being removed from your normal setting, allows you the freedom to buck other conventions, without it being as noticeable.
*Side Note: We also planned a modest, afternoon reception back home, to invite the friends and family that we’re unable to come to France, which you can read a little more about, HERE.
Necessary Elements
Um HELLO, look at the house you rented, and the setting it is in! Yes, you could layer “stuff” on top of it, but it’s so beautiful just as it is, why not let the centuries-old stone walls, green mossy grass of the yard, fig-trees, and gently moving waters of the river, be beautiful enough?
Candelabras and draperies aside, with 40 people having purchased flights to attend, we needed (at bare minimum), food for that many, so working backward from 40, catering became the second hurdle.
Time to take inventory.
Any home that can accommodate seventeen overnight guests, has furniture, and a fair amount of it at that. I reached out to the owner of our Airbnb and got an inventory of what was already at the house, and it turned out that there were several large, iron, outdoor dining sets scattered around the property (all in good usable shape), that we could simply move around for our purposes.
Further, the owner recommended a local chef (Erik Maillard), that had previously prepared meals at the home for other large group events, and who was already stocked with the appropriate sized table linens and serving ware. Score!
With no desire for the formality of a seated service, we chose to forgo the rental of additional chairs, in favor of a short, standing service, set alongside nicely appointed tables in the yard.
Table linens and floral centerpieces for the tables was all that was physically used to decorate. Simple.
Never Wear White to A Wedding
As widely accepted as that rule is, I decided to go another way.
If you notice in films or advertising campaigns, guests at classy events, all seem to magically coordinate with the decoration and themes of the events they are attending, which to me, makes the whole affair look much more polished. Not wanting anything to distract from the “vibe” of our venue, I hoped to employ this same tactic to achieve a cohesive “look” for our wedding, and thereby the same idyllic appearance in our wedding photos. With this in mind, I told all of our guests to please abide by a specific dress-code.
White, shades of white or light tan were my marching orders, and I sent everyone images for outfit inspiration. This was by far, the best idea I had, because it truly enhanced the overall curated look of the event, with minimal effort on my part to decorate the space itself.
Bridal Flowers
When thinking about how and where to procure flowers while abroad, if I didn’t want to hire a florist, there wouldn’t be any guarantee of what kind of flowers I would have access to or any guarantee of being able to find any when I would need them.
Throwing caution to the wind, I decided that this was a detail that wasn’t worth stressing about (I don’t remember the flowers at any of the weddings I’ve ever attended, so why should mine be any different?), and to just deal with it when the time came. However, I did pack ribbon and a locket with a picture of my dad (who wasn’t in France for the occasion), in anticipation of whatever flowers I would find.
Food
I hired the chef that was recommended to me, and who turned out to be a LOVELY human. Sadly, my French is terrible, and he didn’t speak great English, which made communication difficult. However, through the course of several dozen roughly translated emails in Google Translate, we were able to establish that he would be making food for forty, bring wine from a local winery, would NOT serve any shellfish (my groom is allergic), and there would be a cheese course instead of cake. Beyond that, I wasn’t able to understand what it was that he would be making.
The breezy side of me had firmly taken hold at this point, and let's face it, he was a french chef and how bad could it really be?
Additionally, at some point in our broken conversation, we discussed how to set the tables (plated or buffet, and table linens or no), I had also mentioned that I wanted room for floral centerpieces. The stars all aligned, and he had a neighbor (or friend, I’m still not sure) that was a florist that he could contract for this purpose. He said that for an extra 60€ (about $73), he would bring tasteful flowers for each table.
So, with no idea what food we would be eating (other than cheese), what the wine would taste like, or what the flowers would look like, my wedding day was basically planned. Done!
Didn’t they turn out amazing!
It’s all about the dress
Oh gosh, the dress. Another wedding expense that steams my clams, is the cost of that silly dress. I mean, I get it, “it’s the most significant dress you’ll ever wear,” but to spend $2k (or more) on a dress you only wear ONE TIME… who am I, Marie Antoinette?
Nope, it wasn’t gonna fly with me (and I do mean that literally). I went wedding dress shopping at home and had the whole champagne experience with my mother and future mother-in-law, but while I found gowns that I LOVED, it didn’t override my reservations about the expense, or about hauling it to France.
Not only would keeping track of such an item be cumbersome for someone that typically only takes a backpack when traveling, but then the pressing and floofing of it, sounded like a pain. So, revisiting the goal of the whole affair… I was reminded that a simple wedding, would require a simple dress.
Happily, I’ve been very fortunate to have some extremely talented, creative people in my orbit, one of which is a gown designer (you can find out more about her, HERE). After crafting a list of my needs, she was able to make me a custom dress, that while still being 10X more expensive than anything else I own, was designed in such a way as that I’ve actually worn it four times since my wedding (five times in total), which has greatly mitigated my gripe about the cost per wear issue.
I’d also like to qualify my comments regarding the expense of gowns, to exempt those which have been custom made, rather than mass-produced overseas. Ateliers (such as my friend) deserve to be paid for their time, which is considerable when crafting custom goods by hand.
In the end, my dress needed to achieve the following:
Make me feel like a bride
Not wrinkle
Be slim enough to be rolled up and packed into my backpack (yep, I did it)
And not be so “bridal” in style, that it couldn’t be worn for other nice events
She delivered on all four points.
No pressing needed, it was simply UN-rolled and was ready to go!
The shoes
Honestly, the shoes were almost harder to figure out than the dress. I must have bought and returned four different pairs. In addition to my dress being tea length, and therefore the shoes being on full display, was the fact that we were getting married on grass, which posed a “sinking” issue, but I didn’t want wedges or flats.
Thanks to an eavesdropping co-worker who heard me complaining about my shoe dilemma, I was introduced to heel caps (like these, HERE). Acting as snowshoes for your heels, they prevent you from sinking in the grass. GENIUS!
With that dilemma sorted out, I soon visited UAL while visiting Nashville, and found my dream wedding heels. Always looking for a deal, these just happened to be on clearance for $80 (marked down from $1200). Thanks to the heel caps, and a recently repaired strand of my grandmother's pearls, I was now fully dressed and accessorized for the big day.
The Groom
We decided that there was no need to purchase a new suite for the occasion because he already owned a lovely powder blue one, which would complement the shades of white, cream, and pink, that myself and the guests would be wearing. I did, however, have a special pocket square made from the same material as my dress, as well as commissioned a custom lapel pin (not shown) for him to wear (another talented friend, that can be found HERE), which I gifted to him on the morning of our wedding.
The Bridal Flowers Cont…
Back to my breezy plan for flowers, which TOTALLY paid off.
When we checked into our Airbnb the day before our wedding (also the day to get wedding flowers), the owner/host, met us in person to get us checked in. She was so excited to have her home be the location of our nuptials (the first ever), that she gifted me a HUGE bouquet of white lilies and roses, as well as champagne. It was these flowers that I used to make my bouquet.
My mother-in-law had a brilliant idea to save some of these flowers after the wedding and pressed them between pages of a book which I purchased while in Paris. Most of them survived the process remarkably well, and are now framed and mounted on the wall in our bedroom.
As for the Groom, the property was lined with enormous lavender plants and using the handy dandy lapel pin that I had gifted him, we simply pinned a lovely sprig of sweet-smelling lavender, to his jacket.
The Wedding Day
In the end, we flew over (on an amazing flight deal we found with Google Flights), rented the house for a weekend, had a private chef, brought our photographer (whom if you couldn’t tell from the photos, is AMAZING and can be booked HERE), and had a beautiful service for less than the cost of renting a venue and tables for four or five hours, in Kansas City.
(Picks jaw up from floor)
Of the many memorable moments from that day, quite possibly my favorite is one that happened while alone, and I feel encapsulates the magic of the day as a whole. The morning of the wedding, in the stillness of my bedroom, I had just woken up and gotten out of bed. I crossed the room to open the powder blue window shutters, to look outside at the back yard (I was concerned about rain), what I saw will forever live in my heart.
The sky was clear and blue, morning bird songs were mingled with the gentle rustling of leaves in the trees, and scattered below my window, were white doves peacefully looking for their breakfasts. It was like looking at a painting, and I remember thinking, “Of course.”
In France, I guess scenes like this happen on your wedding day.
Wedding Video
There’s more? Yep, my husband has a step-brother that’s also a VERY talented videographer. He made us a short (at our request) 3-minute wedding video, which captures the essence of our day, in a way which I feel is lost in longer wedding videos. If you’re curious, I’ve included it here, and his contact info, HERE.
